me as a lawyer: kk that was rude .
*knocks you out with a calculator* bet you weren’t counting on that
me: *dials 911*
operator: hello 911, what’s your emergency?
me: i need someone to cuddle with, rub my back, and play with my hair
operator: someone is on their way, please stay calm
what a beautiful day to mind ya damn business
everything good makes you fat an addict or broke
i remember song lyrics from my favorite songs 5 years ago but i don’t remember what i learned in school yesterday
and the winner is……….leonardo……….da vinci!!! congratulations on mona lisa
me watching someone not drinking their drink when i’m really thirsty
people who can open cereal boxes perfectly are not to be trusted
Sad Teddie falls down